Wednesday, January 28, 2009

This just in........Chardonnay

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Chardonnay.

Chardonnay is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Chardonnay can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Chardonnay almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living!

Chardonnay may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Chardonnay.
However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister!

WARNINGS: -

* The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
* The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
* The consumption of Chardonnay may cause you to think you can sing.
* The consumption of Chardonnay may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
* The consumption of Chardonnay may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

Discuss the benefits of Chardonnay with your doctor today and start living the life you've always dreamed of!

7 comments:

Pikaboo said...

Ooh I think I need some of that!

gin said...

I may already have this in my pantry. I might just open a bottle and cure my symptons!!

Aunt Pitty Pat's said...

Giggle Giggle Giggle...
M

frankenpug said...

LOL! See section entitled 'Warnings' for all the reasons I must avoid Chardonnay...haha:)

Great post!

i am very mary said...

snicker.

UK lass in US said...

Unfortunately advancing age seems to increase the likelihood of side efects like headaches and decrease the likelihood of finding anyone willing to play naked twister...

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